My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted
out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is
lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was
exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag
with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the
first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore
it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the
occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other
clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft
material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.
"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is
a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that
follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to
California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I
thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I
thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were
special.
I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm
reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view
without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with
my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever
possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm
trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving"
anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as
losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I
wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look
prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without
wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in
hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my
party-going friends'. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their
grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to
see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had
she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She
might have called a few friends to apologize and mend fences for past
squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her
favorite food. I'm guessing- I'll never know.
***
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I
knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good Friends
whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days. Angry
and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I
truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save
anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning
when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every
minute, every breath truly is precious.
If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it would take right now to
share this with someone, would it be the first time you didn't do that little
thing that would make a difference in your relationships?
You've seen the result of this neglect in your own relationships that
you have allowed to fade, dissolve, and fall into disrepair.
Take this opportunity to set a new trend. Take a few minutes to say
hello to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're
thinking of them. It's even better if they're not the people you already
correspond with every week. The more people that you reach out to, the
better you'll get about reaching out to those you care about.
"You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never going to hurt."
"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need
to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there."
-unknown-
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
'Pooh!' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.
'I just wanted to be sure of you.' "
I will not drag you along; I will not leave you alone; I will stand by you
and have my hand there for you to hold when you need to.
alx